Borderline diary

Hello, your favorite borderline has come again 

It's been a tough time 

Full of mood swings and yet still

Full of fights with everyone 

Full of being lost

And dissociated

Full of nightmares and obsessions

Mental breakdowns and compulsive addiction towards anything

Furthermore, it's either black or white

No greys

But throughout, I learned that all the fears are false

And this duration that had me wondering who I am 

And what do I want! Likewise, doing  impulsive actions without knowing the purpose! has ended up with me figuring out

Identity of myself again

I have reached a base to settle over 

 I started to write a diary and that helped me to discover many personal aspects as well as helped me to recognize my mood and if I'm getting better or not

So basically a diary helps to highlight the physical symptoms, medical side effects,  daily achievements and activities which often can be so simple but still I can celebrate after doing them

Also helps to highlight the positivity while it's hiding somewhere in the folds of the book

Second thing, I've been enough satisfied that my pain can be chronic but I'd learn how to deal with it 
Such as working, gaming, screaming sometimes and writing other times

Third thing, is being discipline and dedicated to my medical plan and taking my medicines regularly 

Cooking also helps getting distracted from daily struggles 
But washing dishes is a curse! Unless they're few

Going out smelling some fresh air makes the vibes sugarcoated temporarily 

And writing spams on my website makes me feel good 
And expressed 

Therefore, I currently announce for who cares and for whom wants to meddle in my property 
I got better 
I know who I am and what do I want

I'm in the grey spot maybe I bounce back and maybe I stay 

However traumatizing were the situations of my life
And however hard were the circumstances 
I still fight back 

I still feel sure about some stuff in my life
I still know what I want
And all I want is power and love 

Without any I feel lost... and it's totally okay sometimes 
Surviving never comes easily it's always a challenge

I can be happy just because I had good meal

Because I rested well

Because I interviewed somebody and it was a successful trial

Writing such informative article like a professional 

And being a good housewife for a bit of second 

Or cutting melon and taking trash out

It's about simplicity and joy sometimes hiding into it and in conclusion,

Pain is not permanent.