My depression journey

 

Before I decide visiting my psychiatrist
I've been hearing sentences like "you need an urgent help", "your texts are so melancholic", "why are you locking yourself up in your room", "please tidy your bed", "you're being too lazy lately", last but not least, I became more weary and my abilities decreased
I had troubles studying, focusing on my objectives and exploiting my skills, I've been exerting too much and recieving so little, I was brutally poisoned throughout many phases of my life and I was totally neglecting my agony for years, the reason why I suffered physical pain, likewise, psychological ...

And after I recognized unjustified physical pain which was caused by hormonal and neuronal issues due to depression indirectly... and after I heard many unpleasing words from close and strange people in my environment
Including blaming, criticism over things I can't control, pressure previewed in my grades and disability handling my life situations, I finally decided to take a psycho therapy, I decided to let someone take my hand and pull me out of this muddy lake that keeps dragging me down gradually, hence after I started my therapy sessions, I faced some troubles dealing with the meds as well, encountering my vulnerability that was bashing my senses down and pending every success instead of moving forward wasn't that easy.

I had to accept that I'm vulnerable first,
And then I thought about the things that make me access my comfort zone therefore I can quit for sometime, boredom supplies the depression and makes it stronger, I started to focus on writing, because it's one of the things my passion revives for...
Because I believe that writing is a weapon, words are sharp like swords and they can carry a message to people around me and may seem inspiring somehow...!

Maybe some will relate, support, become a permanent audience... and ofc everyone wants to be seen somehow deep down!

It's a human need, I assume.


After I quitted my comfort zone,
I loved walking,
And writing more and they've been habits for quite a time
Until I started to take my medications regularly, totally the side effects occured to be a main problem representing dizziness, nausea, muscle spasms, insomnia, agitation
But despite this, my anxiety episodes were less, and panic attacks according to the medical plan were less heavy than before.

The doctor told me to concentrate on the bad things as well so I can tackle them and whatever toxicates my spirit I can easily get rid of... nothing will stand against my "nirvana"

I took this as a permission to actually discard irrelevant details, toxic people who restricted me from being happy at certain times,
I saved the remained energy in my battery and never regret...

I learned a lot about my diagnosis, I've been more interested in psychology and how connective can be a psychological issue to a physical one.

I learned a new theory stating that not all the wars are witnessed by naked eyes, and there are some fighters hiding behind showing their guts in front of their fears and fighting with high resistance and vigorously.



Genuinely these people are real fighters and they seek surviving before prosperity, they want to be normal, to live their daily life without finding troubles reaching out to their dreams.

And speaking of dreams, writing dreams helps a lot figuring out the statement of your brain, helps finding solutions for most of your negative sentiments that are folded up in your chest... it's part of your diary that should be highlighted and mentioned before anything else.

The doctor told me to write and mention all the blessings around me in which makes the person mostly positive and appreciating simple details around;

I started to appreciate cooking, writing, watching a good series with good plot, drinking my best cocoa cup before I sleep, I appreciated every word, every sign, every breath I take, I appreciate the idea of home, safety and having skills to do many activities whether domestic, mental or physical...

The idea of "you still have something to fulfill" made me more alive... made me have a reason to live... a message to carry and love to give

So basically ignoring pain doesn't help healing, but facing it will absolutely help...




Noting down the achievements though theyre simple will help boosting the mood 100%

So keep a diary open beside you and write whatever wanders your brain.

I knew that I could fix myself the same way im fixing others...

I knew myself more I discovered a lot of aspects about my personality and barely that could help me dealing with people more and figuring out what I want and I dont want, I became more determined...

I accepted that I gained weight too obviously because of this medicine but in return because of the CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and the chemical program I progressed in my life, I feel alive again, I do have feelings like others, and I became normal

And I'm willing to have many successful moments more than this, I'm willing to have victory and compensate myself for all the bad days I had

On 15th of September I'll be quitting medications forever, no relapse again, I just survived depression and became fine.

Thank God and I ask him to give me happiness and success in the future.