The ghosts
will guide you at night with their lanterns
To many
offices, many dark places that were never accessed by anyone, autumn's rains
are giving you hints whereas they fall over the dust, to show you old scenes,
fingerprints, and to let you hear screams echoing everywhere
You're there
for more than revenge...
Her
footsteps landed on her father’s work place, where willow trees are all lined
by each pavement, seeking a closure for her story, a closure she couldn’t have,
a closure that totally differs from the one they claimed as a reasonable ending
of the story, one they state that it’s limited by the edge of her father’s
graveyard, by his soil covering his warm body down there. The tree leaves were
falling onto her shoulders, causing many concerns and the autumn’s climate was
giving her shivers from the cold breeze hitting on her face and making it
confusing for others to distinguish if her nose is red because the weather or
because she’s crying.
The last
memory fragments she has about him is the airport scene, when they were both
telling farewell, right before she travels abroad to finish her bachelor
degree, she saw his watery smiling eyes, combining both happiness and longing
repressed inside of him.
All his
letters were received, all his gifts likewise, and his text messages that
weren’t responded back. She had no time to give to him whereas he dedicated his
entire life to fill his daughter’s life with joy, to not let her feel lost
amongst nations, to save her pride, and dignity, to lead her to success and to
make her open about her scars, “sorry to disappoint you, dad” she said lurking
a lot of rage and frustration inside of her chest, that is leaking blood out of
it because of an old necklace her father gifted her with, it’s too sharp to let
her delicate-skinned chest not bleed, it’s like the truth, sharp but somehow
satisfying, feels often like a warm parasite that haunts our dreams to lead us
to a destination we were the furthest from.
“Helena”
left her job behind ever since she was told that her father died because of
cardiomyopathy, shocking and painful, represented metaphorically as a dagger
dipped deeply into someone’s heart. She hasn’t reached out to him in a while,
but an ending like this wasn’t anticipated, she always guaranteed his presence,
he was the guardian, he was the company, the first company, and the first
support provider, he was everything to her, she just drastically looked after
her life giving no concern about how others might be feeling, she one day
encountered struggles throughout studying phase, she once got carried by her
boyfriend in a cold rainy night when the cops arrived to investigate the cause
of the dorm burn, but she didn’t know that her father was an illegal immigrant
went to check confidentially on his daughter.
He knew that
she’s both fragile and strong even though he tamed her to control her fragility
and planted strength and consistence into her soul, he knew his daughter
better than anyone, he endured the pain of being further than her, he didn’t
want to extinguish the fire in the ambience, but in his chest, the feel of
longing, he didn’t want to reveal his face because if the cops found him
coincidentally he will be scandalized in front of his girl, also involved in a
serious trouble followed by repercussions which he will be forced to pay fines
and get deported back to his country.
And on
another time she went to night clubs clueless about what her impulses are
driving her to, she remembers that she was covered by her boyfriend’s coat,
taken to a café and venting too much until she faints in his arms. All of this
was just happening but never justifies her neglecting about her father. That
what’s hurting her the most.
She wished she could tell him more, to inquire
him, to get answers, to get the closure she’s awaiting, she looked straight to
his photo on her phone, while her tears were dropping and said “wish I could
fix everything between us, but it’s too late”. Then, she senses a ghost
whispering in her ears telling her that it’s never too late and she should
figure out the truth.
She was
diagnosed of schizophrenia which opens her eyes to things nobody witnesses
around. Only her father knew her abilities and was trying to navigate them to a
glory producing phase.
She didn’t accept
a fact that he died without a mean, she suspected a planned death, a kind of
sinister ambush that took his life away eventually, this was a kind of
gap-filling attitude, instead of being a victim of an unknown puzzling
circumstance, this is no easy condition, this is much more serious than any of
her life events.
Her
assumptions weren’t based on hallucinations, wasn’t based over possibly false
reflections, she knew her father was surrounded by envious, hypocrites and
greedy coworkers who never wished him a good satisfying life, she knew they
might be somehow involved in her father’s death. Maybe it’s actually a crime,
well-planned by the other employees, spectating him daily getting promoted,
they never tried to be as devoted, but they’d rather avenge their insecurities
by causing troubles to the person occurring this to them.
Don’t worry
girl, he will follow you in your dreams, take you on tours, to the mosque when
and where you were mimicking his performance meanwhile praying, you were still
eight and tiny, he will take you on his bike in the cold nights and wrap around
the districts screaming your name repeatedly when it’s windy and charming, when
your hands are clinging on his coat from the back and your both voices were
echoing.
He will take
you to the moment you got sick and he was the one giving you the medicine and
observing you until you get better. And to the day you touched his warm shaky
hands before going to your reserved seat at your plane.
Two were
dwelling a small flat, living together without a mother... but she was compensated with a
warm-hearted father who carried the household on his bending shoulders, now the
place is empty, cold and dark, the cats your father used to feed are gone,
maybe even dead, or mourning somewhere underneath the cars parked next to the
building, but…
He’s sleeping
right beside you, he hears your prayers, listens to them and even somehow he’s
hiding in you, giving you instructions and leading you to the correct path, at
it, you find the closure you want.
She couldn’t
handle the first night there on his bed, she went to his grave not a bit scared
of the darkness she might face there, and there her complex thoughts were
followed anonymously by answers telling her that the graves might be deceiving,
not all the ghosts are honest, not all the ghosts are friendly, some of them
just want to cause pain to others, to reverse their sadness on others, instead
of helping them by gestures to be better, to survive and to reach nirvana.
She felt the
presence of other entities around her, their intentions weren’t recognized but
as long as there’s a thread allows you to walk onto a pattern you will reach
something, either ways, evil or goodness, it’s going to be the awaited
salvation.
The ghosts
insisted on her to drive her father’s old-fashioned car to his work place, to
access places they lead her to, no one could access before, she just arrived
there, the ghosts were leading her by each rain drop falling on the staircases
around, they were taking her up, guards were sleeping like rocks, surrounded by
piles of smoked cigarettes and cups of tea, they’re more of dreaming about the
females working there and their customs more than protecting the place, hence
it was a good moment for Helena to go up and exploit the moment to open these locked
doors, she used her hairpin, an old cliché method and yet working one to open
locked doors.
She went
inside the office of manager, the vast majority of his desks’ drawers were
locked, but she grabbed a sharp wooden log, strong and uneasily breakable, she
tried to use her force to open these drawers and she managed to do such thing.
She found
many documents that were not proving the planned death of her father, but
proved many about others, the ones who led her to his office at the night, she
was chosen amongst all to discover what everyone is trying to hide behind the
curtains.
The
moderator was already doing many illegal activities behind the government and
the evidence is held by her bare hands, every office has a printer, she took
copies of all the documents she’s carrying and managed to close the drawers
again, the locks weren’t broken anyways, they were just opened forcibly, she
closed the lock of the main room, dived into her fears of being caught, and
suddenly she fails to walk for a second due to a sudden dizziness disables her
eyesight clarity and caused it to be temporarily foggy, she tried moving her
extremities and pressing on them to leave the place as soon as possible, she
threw the wooden log away nearby the trees, and ran to the back gate and jumped
off of it to the floor, so far gathering herself.
On her way
home, she checked the bag more than once to see if what it contains isn’t
missing any single convenient paper.
She went
home, insomniac, using her father’s old laptop she left him before she travels
to use at his work, making a backup of
all the files and saving them on a disc and putting it into the wardrobe that
was already open, two of the victims knew the truth, maybe her father was one
unmentioned yet.
She looked
around and found a lot of stuff being checked up, and unlocked, it insinuates a
presence of someone else earlier looking for something at their flat.
She checked
his emails for sake of curiosity, found them sent to her narrating stories as
he used to do with her daily nonstop, to activate her brain cells and help her
imagination getting furthered.
She also
checked his dead phone on his sweat-stained pillow after plugging it to the
charger, she sobbed, whimpered, and trembled when she checked all the text
messages between both of them, the ones she hadn’t checked in a very long
while, all his texts were detailed whereas hers were prompted and much
summarized. Apologies won’t work, but deeds are very welcomed.
His last
text message was unsent because he ran out of balance, he asked her to check
her email, as he sent her numerous data as significant as her breath being
inhaled constantly. It was telling her to cautiously find the safe he’s hiding,
it carries a lot of clues. He gave her a hint that needs to be decoded, if happened,
she will be able to sue an entire system and win with solid evidences.
Daddy’s girl
will never fail him, at some point she was cruel, but only her father didn’t
see her the way she sees herself.
To be continued…
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