“Elif! Are you okay? I’m sorry, I really am, please, respond to me!”
Elif was lying down on the floor just once after she was overstimulated by her memories and husband’s cheating; Bassem succeeded in bashing down the last ounce of hope in her heart towards their marital journey, but yet couldn’t ignore his fainted wife lying on the corridor, he lifted her up and placed her on the couch, stopped packing, and his brain was paralyzed. He tried splashing water over her face, rubbing her chest and putting perfume nearby her nose, allowing her to inhale it. He was hesitating to call the ambulance in case the stance is simple and doesn’t require much concern, but before he dials the number after bunch of negative trials to wake her up, Elif wakes up, moves slowly to adjust her posture and tells Bassem with a calm voice to keep packing his stuff. He didn’t argue and finished packing his belongings leaving a note on the table stating: “I’m sorry, I know it’s not enough, if you ever decide to talk, call me.”
Once Bassem leaves the apartment, she crumbles the paper and throw in the trash can, she was trying to get a grip of herself not to breakdown in the presence of new responsibilities in her life, such as her job, kittens and getting to know Nora’s position in her life…
She took the money she needed to buy her pads and went down with melting eye makeup, Lord knows how she was careless to concern about gossips or social image destruction. She went back home and decided to order pizza and check the students homework notebooks, while she was correcting the grammar mistakes she found doodles of two students who went playful on her class, she instantly called her mother and decided to meet her and have a conversation…
Her mother sent the accurate address in the town they inhabit recently and was concerned if there’s anything wrong with her daughter since her voice sounded so frustrated.
Elif was taking a shower meanwhile the delivery arrived at her door, she wrapped herself and wore a scarf to cover as much as she can, the delivery man was still observing the few revealed areas that were half wet and once Elif noticed his gazes, he moved his eyes elsewhere, she took the order and paid, then initiated eating and munching such a delicious pizza that was the rescue of the day, each bite she took had a different scene running before her eyes,
“You decided to take that job? But you don’t even speak Italian!”
“Come on, Nora! Who cares? This is not Italy, they accepted me anyways, the other staff said it’s okay, they communicate in our language but with the manager they speak English or direct someone who speaks Italy to him. I just need an escape, my house is becoming uninhabitable!”
“It’s my aunt again?”
“Both, both are worse than ever, they can’t live together and can’t get a divorce either, and eventually they project their anger on me.”
“You know, Elif, your mom is quite kind and she loves you obviously but she needs help, as well as your dad.”
“So? Are they little kids? They can accept the fate and go to therapy sessions, otherwise, this stone-age mindset and bad stereotypes about psychiatrists they usually embrace won’t help them evolve a single thing in their life, I’m not accountable for all this, they should figure it out together, I’m tired already.”
“You’re right, if they can’t help themselves, no one will be able to do it for them, do you want me to speak to my mom?”
“No, Nora, please, don’t interfere your mom into this, eventually she’s going to be the one to blame and my mom will cut off her relationship with her, they’re sisters but still have separated lives and both of them are adults, they can deal with their own problems individually.”
“I understand your point regarding the misunderstanding that might be included as a repercussion of meddling, but, Elif, sisters, friends, or even married couples were meant to be together to help each other not to avoid each other’s distresses and depend on solving them individually. But I get your point anyways, I won’t say a word to my mom. I know how auntie is just a little aggressive when someone criticizes or suggests solutions for her. Hehe.”
“Well, you said it all, I know she’s a kind mother but on another hand quite unbearable.”
“Okay, cheer up, now! You’re an independent lady at the age of 17.”
Elif’s brain was bursting a good set of memories which consisted new details, Nora was supposed to be her cousin?
But the possibility of her creating a character to overcome a sequence of real events might be also assured later, her parents never mentioned of any female cousins, maternal or paternal, moreover, her only aunt was supposed to be sterile!
The only way to inspect this was to question her parents again, aunt and visit her old home.
She went to school next day after she fed the cats and decided to withdraw from any conversation or confrontation between her and Samia, despite the desperate attempts Samia was doing, the day went good, gladly she was so far quiet and not as angry as she expected herself to be, especially at the same place gathering her with Samia under the same roof.
Afterwards, she had to ride the train to the town where her parents live, this ride, she wasn’t recollecting anything about the road or anything about Nora, she was just counting the hours in enthusiasm, awaiting to be answered, and hopeful to connect the threads and reach a wider view. She grabbed a sandwich out of her bag and started eating while scrolling on the social media, she tried to write Nora’s name in her friends list maybe she just forgot her and moved on with her life, but none, none of her friends had that name, she tried to find her aunt either, but perhaps her aunt doesn’t even have a social media account. Life is volatile and people meet and others separate, for new purposes and priorities, most loyal ones include you in their priorities no matter what.
Finally! Elif arrives her destination, and sniffs the polluted air full of fumes, burning meadow and trash… she calls a cab to take her to the exact location of her parents’ home, and here she steps on the irregular bricked trail, silently observing the house she decided to runaway from a decade ago, her mother saw her from the window, and came out excited to host her daughter back again…
“My love! How much I missed you, you look hygienic and well nourished! Come in, your dad will finish something and come up, he’s in the workshop.”
“He’s still a craftsman?”
“He’s just creative and that never changed in him despite the other changes that occurred in his character.”
“Well, how have you been, mom?”
“Fine, nothing to mention, I just have a cat now, named, Petsie.”
“Oh, nice! I have baby kittens too, just a coincidence.”
“I bet you’re such a good mother to them. You’re a loving person, I’m sorry I couldn’t compensate you or offer you better than what I presented.”
Elif held her mother’s hand and said, “Mom, it’s okay, don’t bring that up now, I’m fine and I don’t consider you a bad guy here, I just need your help, and I can accept a real compensation if you help me regain some memories.”
“Of course, anything, is it that girl again?”
“Yes..”
“I thought you already considered my answer enough when I denied her presence in your life.”
“Mom, does my aunt speak to you?”
“Your aunt is overseas and she already cut off her relationship with me a while ago.”
“But why? Something happened?”
“As far as I remember, she was feeling depressed about something, maybe the lack of job opportunities attributed to her field, then decided to travel, but personally, I have no problems with her.”
“Did she have a daughter?”
“Don’t you remember? I told you she was sterile, she tried for years and never worked.”
“Mom, listen! I keep seeing fragments of memories including a girl named Nora and I keep seeing her all the time, in my dreams, on my way to school, when I’m with Bassem who’s going to send me a divorce paper soon…”
“Wait, what? But you both were in love, what happened?”
“Mom, I don’t sleep, and I had a bad influence on Bassem and now we don’t want to be together, this started when I got my job, I need your help.”
“But I’m helping you, honey, what do you want me to do? I can’t tell you what’s not real to just please you and fit your narration, maybe your brain is just...”
“Is just imagining things, right? You don’t need to nod, I’m already considering this as a possibility, but you need to be credible with me too, because the more lies are included the more I drown into an inescapable void. Where’s my dad so I can say hi before I leave?”
“You’re going to leave now? Please, Elif, don’t be upset, you didn’t even drink coffee, I baked a cake for your sake, just don’t go like that, we haven’t met in a while.”
“Alright, mom, I’ll just clear my mind out a little bit. Oh! By the way, do you remember where we used to live in the past? I’m just nostalgic.”
“It’s blocks away from here, while and blue house, may you’ll recognize it when you see it, didn’t change much, just has moss growing on it. Be careful! You might find drug addicts there injecting themselves, take this taser with you.”
“Wow! Are we allowed to buy and hold this one now?”
“On certain conditions, this is a small town, and poverty is a main symbol of it, you might find danger as a consequence of that, anyways if you feel suspicious of anything come back and don’t proceed, this taser is just in case someone attacked before you proceed.”
Elif left the house and called Bassem just to tell him to feed the kittens in her absence and she shut down every trial of him to open the cheating subject. Although, he still accepted to go feed them for humanity sake and to at least win a chance of her acceptance.
She approached the building from far away and it looked like the one appearing in her dreams, oddly looking the same, surrounded by trees, fallen leaves, and behind it, there’s a railway covered with moss. Fortunately, Elif doesn’t see anyone dangerous in the horizon, she enters the building and finds old torn and broken furniture that was left behind, dusty piles of newspaper, some of them are spread on the floor, she tried to remove the wooden boards installed on some door openings, as the blanks were bringing the last ray of sun in, right before the dusk hour that thoroughly summoned the truth; when Elif holds some of the notebooks and finds our Nora’s doodles all the way when she flip the pages…
She was real…
“I didn’t sell them because I find them as treasures, I didn’t get educated as well as these young women and men outside did, including the one with those sketches…”
“Who are you? I warn you, if you come closer I’ll not hesitate to electrify you with this tool and call the police.”
“Neither sold those furniture since I considered them mandatory for my life to continue, this is my house now, so who are you?”
“No it’s not, it belongs to the government now, this was our house and it was sold alongside the territory to the government, they gave us compensation in return of their establishment plan of a certain mall here, therefore, it’s a matter of time, your existence here. It’ll be demolished at some point.”
“What belongs to the government belongs to us, young lady, get out of my house, and leave these notebooks behind.”
“Enough with that philosophical nonsense, I’ll hand nothing off, one more more and I’ll fulfill my promise, just let me go with this one and enjoy the rest.”
Elif ran backwards while raising the taser up as a way of possible defense in case the man moves towards her, but he left her alone, to her doubts to keep devouring her, and her high doze of adrenaline taking control of all her organs…
She ran back to her parents’ home, knocked the door violently until her mom opened panicking…
“Elif? Did something happen? Anyone attacked you there?”
“Forget about the homeless people, mom, what is this?”
“I should’ve burned them, I never predicted you would search them after a decade, I even though the vendors or drug addicts stole them and sold them!”
“Now, you both owe me a clarification, I begged you during that whole time to tell me something and you’ve been lying to me without batting an eyelid.”
“Are you okay with what I might mention?”
“I bet I’m not now, so what’s the difference?”
“Please, Elif, it’s not an easy thing to mention…”
“Go on, whatever you say is better than the ongoing confusion and deteriorating mental statement I’m having recently.”
“Nora is indeed your cousin, she died in a train accident, and your aunt didn’t travel because of seeking jobs, she traveled after a complete nonsense she kept committing on daily basis since the incident, she was harassing you, you were in shock and you had your memory loss, you couldn’t even remember you had a cousin, you remember your aunt because she was visible in front of you before she travels, she didn’t believe it was just an accident, she thought you both fought and you threw her in front of the train, the reason why I kept furthering you both from each other and last time she made you faint while she was trying to take words from your mouth regarding her daughter’s death, she, she pressured you, any mother would do the same as I did, I threatened her if she didn’t stop I’ll call the police, then she decided to travel and no one knows a thing about her.”
“What if she’s true? What if I did something to her daughter?”
“Never, you both were quite close, more than sisters, even when you used to fight, you never transgressed, your aunt needed help, she was in denial, but I guarantee you never did such a thing, there was no indications of anything like that.”
“And you dad? You said nothing so far, you both owe me an apology…”
“Elif, don’t you think a bit that you’re selfish? Coming here after all these years just to humiliate your parents who wanted to protect you and did their best to keep you warm and safe!”
“Did you? Did you both do your best? I used to work on the clock to keep myself distracted from your instability and I had to endure my manager’s sexual abuse all the time, until he, until he raped me, in his damn car, his sacred place for these kinds of act, he thought I was accepting his flirting signs, where were you? Fighting, projecting anger, fighting, projecting, fighting, projecting anger on me, all the time, how possibly could you label that?”
Elif left her parents speechless and started whimpering on the floor where her legs couldn’t stand stomping over, a glimpse of memory flashes before here eyes with her deceased Nora,
“You need to push charges against him, Elif, oh my dear God! Does my aunt know?”
“Never, she’s going to blame me in the first place, why would a naive young girl like me need a job at her age!? She should prioritize school. Moreover, he’s a business man, Nora, do you think I’m the only one? Others know that one call from him to the authorities they would drop the charges and no doubt he will send someone to permanently silence those girls.”
“What are you going to do then? My brain can’t accommodate that you’ll just avoid what happened like it’s nothing.”
“You offer something else? Nora, please, I’m venting, don’t make it worse for me, I already feel clueless enough.”
“Okay, okay, I’m sorry, shall that bastard never find peace, have you googled his name? He’s a migrant, google his name, maybe we can find something…”
“Then? Nora you’re not listening…”
“Cool down, Elif, for God’s sake, let’s just find something we can hold against him, we didn’t try, sometimes justice prevail.”
“Google whatever you want, if you find something just call me, will you go to the cybercafe now?”
“I will, sis, just consider this a game and let’s just try if something shows up, if, let’s try thinking bigger. We can’t let him do that, he’s continuing because no one tried to complain, they all succumbed to his threats and grand name.”
Another memory crosses Elif’s mind while her parents voices are echoing…
“Elif, come here now, I’m still at the cybercafe…”
“Oh my God, Nora, your parents will be worried about you, I thought you’re home already.”
“Don’t be dramatic and come, I already told my mom I’m nearby, you need to see what I found.”
After Elif arrives at the cybercafe,
“Elif, there’s a glimpse of hope, that man definitely is an illegal immigrant, and this is his real surname, the reason why I spent so much time googling titles like “Italian business man sexually assaults women at his hypermarket” and using all possible keywords because his first name was correct but second is changed, maybe he’s not that rich, he couldn’t pay to change everything about his identity, he’s chased by the authority in Italy, that’s why he traveled, and chose a place where no one even speak his language or share mutual culture, a perfect place to stay hidden, look, the court found him guilty of more than a sexual assault, he was an owner of a hypermarket there too and some of his business money could be obtained before the bank suspension, in order to make him eligible to travel before they get to him… let’s push charges.”
“I have no evidences about myself…”
“My love, there’s no need, some witnesses and those articles and we contact the authorities…”
“The ladies will reject to testify, it will be just me…”
“Maybe if we just try to convince them, like I tried to search and it was positive!”
“Alright, let’s destroy that bastard, you’re just a big brain, Nora! You impressed me!”
“Told you… Hehe.”
Elif mentioned her memories before her parents and her mom preceded her dad to tell her while holding her hands, “We thought the memory loss was a blessing in your case, we never knew about that guy, I know we did so wrong to you, but I would never blame you for something like that, you were a victim who needed someone to believe you, I would never deny your statement, even if I was angry most of times…”
“So? Did that guy get caught?”
“There was a scandal a decade ago about an Italian migrant who was delivered to the court and plead guilty, few girls testified against him and preferred being anonymous, for social reasons, I didn’t know you’re one of them!? I didn’t know your cousin was even part of that victory!”
Elif opened her phone and googled his real name that Nora found and got an article about him a decade ago, which led Elif in the ending to the truth she wanted, Nora could never be an enemy of her, and that accident wasn’t her fault, it was a bad fate but not Elif was never a bad fortune to anyone.
She decided to resume her sessions especially after the full truth, and decided to make a remembrance ceremony for her real and one authentic friendship and sisterhood that was witnessed by few members of her circle; who later sympathized with them both, not only Nora, including Bassem, who’s still begging Elif to come back and that one time he surrendered to Samia’s temptations and committed infidelity was just a mistake, Elif asked for time to think, but that doesn’t mean she’s intending to force herself again in any kind of relationship, she decided,
and in closure, to find peace wherever she goes, enduring discomfort won’t be compulsive anymore to her, because, for a fact, we don’t necessarily reach salvation through pain, sometimes there are shortcuts with no pain at all.
Fin.
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